This post is entirely unplanned and I have no idea where I’m going with this. My anxiety symptoms are acting up and I just want to chat. Unfortunately, it’s 6am on a Saturday and no one I know is probably awake and/or interested in chatting. I’m not even sure what I would say anyway.
I don’t think there are any major things that are bothering me. Actually, maybe it is best that I don’t talk to someone. When I say that I’m feeling anxious, people always ask “what’s wrong?” or expect to get a concrete thing they can jump in and give advice on. The truth is often I don’t know. It’s an irrational feeling. It’s all the little things. It’s this tense feeling of my body. The internal vibrations. The worry about dozens of small things. The inability to turn my mind off. The worrying about all the worry. The worry that I’m reverting to my old habits now that I’ve reduced my medication. The feeling of wanting to cry for no reason.
I tried Googling anxiety chats. They are out there, but I saw lots of anxiety sites recommending against them because they attract abusers. Also, I don’t really want to talk about anxiety per se. I’m not really that bad right now. I just feel off and want to chat with someone who understands that. I tried finding a Slack community- no luck on that either.
Someday, I want to have something like that for this site. A place for nerdy, enthusiastic, introverted people who are focused on self-care and personal growth. I blog to make connections, so I feel this would be the ultimate success. I’d make a Slack channel right now, but my sporadic posting has dragged down my readership, and I doubt I get many interested parties (aside from my two besties who support all of my endeavors, bless their hearts).
Today’s plan involves a lot of mental health-related tasks. I have homework for one of my therapy classes, and my therapist also instructed me to reevaluate my to-do list and how I prioritize. I’m hoping to spend a lot of time in my bullet journal in contemplative reflection mode. Will I stick with the plan or get distracted by household tasks and things that my mind decides are more “important”? They won’t be more important, of course, they’ll just feel more urgent and necessary. Things I should do because it is what I’m supposed to do.
Well. I feel a little bit better now. Maybe enough to glance at my to-do list and see if I can knock off a task now. Or maybe eat breakfast.
Thanks for listening!